As the cricket world celebrated legendary former India cricket captain Bishan Singh Bedi’s 80th birth anniversary was on September 25, his daughter Neha said Bedi’s multiple illnesses had shaken her deeply and she had to consult a psychiatrist to overcome the trauma.
Neha, the elder of his two children and the one closest to the legendary left-arm spinner, told Patriot that she had him admitted to a hospital on her birthday in 2023. She bought a cake, hoping the family would cut it together. But that wasn’t meant to be.
Bedi died on October 23, 2023, in New Delhi, at the age of 77. According to the family, he had been battling multiple ailments, including blood clotting in the brain, septicaemia and bacterial infections. He is survived by his wife Anju, son Angad and daughter Neha.
Testing times
Recalling developments at home in those tough days, Neha said: “Basically, my dad was my world. When this [illness] first happened to him, when he had the heart attack and a brain stroke and was admitted to the hospital, I went into such a bad phase that I had to consult a psychiatrist because I could not deal with it.”
“I could not cope with watching him in that state. Every time I saw him at the hospital, I would just start crying,” she said. “I am sharing it with you and you can publish it, no problem.”
Neha said her father on the hospital bed was an unbearable sight for her. “After the heart attack and brain stroke, the blood clotting happened. And when I used to visit him in the hospital, I’d invariably see a tube coming out of his throat, another coming out of his nose, and there was a needle in his hands, so many different injections were given to him,” she said.
“I remember holding his hand, sitting down with him, feeding him, but mostly just crying. I got so emotional that I needed to consult a professional because I could not deal with myself at all,” she said.
Psychiatrist’s role
“The psychiatrist told me that my father had made my entire world, and that since he was not well, I was feeling my world was on shaky ground. She said that I was unable to come to terms with that situation. That was exactly the way she put it, and it was 100% right,” she said.
The psychiatrist advised Neha to bide her time. “She said that I would come to terms with time, and asked me to spend as much time as I could with dad, be with him, and talk to him. She said that was how I would start accepting that he needed medical help and that his health was not okay,” said the former TV anchor, who now hosts a podcast about health and fitness called The Life Savers Show.
Referring to her closeness with her father, Neha said: “When I would see dad in that condition, I wanted to run away from the hospital. Basically, my mind was in a state of denial. My father, my biggest strength, was lying in a hospital bed, tied to IV drips and tubes and monitors, the nurse checking him, and somebody feeding him. And he couldn’t do anything. I could not accept it.”
The psychiatrist asked Neha to “spend time with myself, meditate a little bit” to accept the reality. It worked, but only to an extent.
“It took me a few months [to get better]. But there was a fear at the back of my mind that I could get a phone call at any time. So, I stopped keeping my phone on silent out of fear that anything could happen to dad. I was always ready to jump to help with anything possible,” she said.
Several ailments
Neha says the family underwent “a very tough time” while recalling the days of Bedi’s illness and his treatment.
“When he had the stroke, it was very difficult, very tough because we were so used to talking and sort of being completely 100 per cent there, that [him] not wanting to use the phone, or that he couldn’t relate to it [was strange],” she said.
“That stroke affected his brain in such a way that his cognitive ability to think and to reason [was affected]. He couldn’t read or write. He couldn’t do a lot of things after that stroke.”
That Bedi, a Sikh, couldn’t tie his turban was telling, says Neha. “That was a big blow to him. His right side had become paralysed, and you needed both hands to tie your turban. That, in his own mind, was shattering,” Neha said.
“Nobody knew what exactly had happened to him in the hospital… They just said that complications with heart and brain affected him.”
Mental toughness
Bedi used to tell his children to “never be scared of death”. Neha recalled: “He used to say not only embrace life, but also embrace death as well. Never be scared of death. And we forget that life and death are constant bedfellows.”
Also Read: Cricket greats, Bollywood stars remember Bishan Singh Bedi on 80th birth anniversary
The man who always called a spade a spade also drilled into his children the importance of mental toughness, more than physical toughness.
“When I talk about dad, I become extremely emotional because our bond was like that. I was extremely, extremely close to my father. I was very influenced by his way of speaking, his thoughts, decisions, mannerisms, his way of speaking to people, his way of speaking about people,” she said. “My life has taken such a massive turn since he left.
Neha said she was closer to her father than her mother. “So, when the same individual who gave birth to you is on shaky ground, health-wise, you completely forget that you are a mother and a wife,” she said, referring to her 11-year-old daughter Suhavi and husband Gautam Malhotra.
‘Greater motivator’
“He was the first man in my life. He was my world. And for a daughter, the first man is sort of the most important person in her life. You could be in any condition. Dad would motivate you like TED Talk speakers. He was the original TED Talk speaker who could motivate you to achieve anything,” she said.
“I was his daughter, but I was raised like a son. But when he left, I felt like my whole world had shaken.”
Neha also said that Bedi was very tech-savvy and loved to learn things, particularly about technology, electronic gadgets and cars.
“He used to love trying out things. He had a childlike fascination for these things. He was very curious. He was like a sponge. Whatever someone said or whatever someone did [he would soak it in]. He was always open to learning new things — from people, from the environment, from books, from social media,” she said.
Also Read: One year without ‘cricket’s conscience keeper’ Bishan Bedi:
“He used to watch new movies on Netflix. From buying a car to buying a phone to buying a laptop, everything we used to discuss so much,” she said. Not anymore.
